Valentine’s Day, Your Way: Ditch the Pressure and Own Your Day of Love
As we make our way through February, you might notice a change in the colors around you. No, I’m not talking about leaves. I’m talking about the wave of pinks, reds, heart shaped candy and tiny little teddy bears. That’s right, babes, Valentine’s Day approaches. Whether you’re happily single, on the prowl or in relationship limbo, this holiday has a way of bringing up big feels. But fear not–we’ll get through this pink fever and make it to the half-priced candy on the other side. Whatever relationship stage you’re in, this right here is your guide to surviving the Valentine’s season.
Why So Many Feels?
Valentine’s Day with its laser focus on love has a way of amplifying what you’re already feeling. If you’re single, it can magnify loneliness or shine a harsh spotlight on societal pressure to couple up. Even the most content single folks might find themselves questioning their choices when surrounded by so many beaming couples. And if you and your new boo are in the early, undefined stages of dating, Valentine’s Day can dial up anxiety and doubt, and pressure you to put a label on your connection or make this day mean something more.
There are several reasons why this hits so hard like cultural expectations, comparison culture, vulnerability and heartbreak. Rom-coms, TV shows, books and even commercials set the bar crazy high by portraying romantic gestures, picture perfect dates, expensive gifts and BIG declarations of love. When reality doesn’t measure up, it’s easy to feel disappointed. We also love comparing our own lives to other people. Ever heard the saying “comparison is the thief of joy”? Social media takes our disappointment and dials it up a notch. With elaborate and over-the-top “couple goals” flooding your feed, it’s hard not to wonder if you’re falling short.
And then there’s the internal struggle. Love is vulnerable; laying your heart bare for another person in the hopes of creating a safe, lasting bond makes us feel super exposed. On top of that, most of us have experienced heartbreak at some point. Whether it’s a breakup, rejection or ghosting, Valentine’s Day can take those raw feelings and crank the volume up to 10.
It’s crucial to make space for these feelings so that we can understand and process them. Bottling them up puts you at risk of emotional ambush at very inopportune moments like, say, when that one song that makes you sob comes on in the grocery store while buying wine. What, I’ve never done that! I was actually buying M&Ms.
Valentine’s Survival Kit
Grab your wine and gather ‘round because, together, we are building a survival toolkit for the season of pink.
If You’re Single…
Start by naming the feelings coming up. Loneliness? Sadness? Anger? Relief to be free of that mediocre Tinder hookup? Let yourself feel it all you complicated, beautiful rockstar. Journal your thoughts or talk to a friend, notice the emotions as they show up in your body and move through them. Engage in some heart-opening yoga or a guided meditation for self-compassion. And when things feel especially tough, lean into grounding techniques like deep breathing or using a totem to engage with your senses. My totem is a really cool rock!
Now it’s time to celebrate the wonder that is you! Go on a solo date to your favorite restaurant, plan a day at an art museum or do a home spa night. Expand your definition of love beyond romance and celebrate platonic love with your friends. Choose your own narrative for the day that honors where you are on your journey.
Finally, use this as an opportunity to set new relational goals through creative expression. Write a letter from your future self or make a vision board to visualize what you want in future relationships. Check out my Valentine’s Vision Board Guide to set meaningful goals that actually stick (seriously, it’s backed by science!).
If You’re In the In-Between…
Say you’ve been on a couple great dates with someone new but aren’t yet ready to define the relationship. What does Valentine’s Day mean when you’re in the limbo stages?
Your anxiety is super valid here. And the good news is, you get to decide what this day means. As per usual, the first step is to be honest with yourself: What do you want from this day and how can you express it? Maybe you want a sweet text, a normal date night or a bigger gesture. Have a casual conversation with your someone new and make the day fun, flirty and pressure-free. Take note of your new cutie’s behaviors. How do their actions align with your values? How do they make you feel? Are they showing up consistently? This day doesn’t have to define the relationship trajectory but it can give you valuable insight into your ongoing compatibility.
When the “what-ifs” creep in, acknowledge them, hug your inner worrier, take a grounding breath and focus on what you can control. Finally, have some backup plans, in case your initial hopes don’t play out. Have a solo date, get a self-care treat or lean on your friends for a Galentine’s celebration. Speaking from personal experience as someone who was dumped by a crush on Valentine’s Day, booking my favorite workout class and having friends over for fancy mac ‘n’ cheese and board games seriously took the sting off what could have been a mega-crappy day.
However the day unfolds, make sure you get love and attention, even if it’s just from yourself.
Love On Your Terms
In the grand scheme of things, Valentine’s Day is just that–a day. Wherever you are in your romantic journey, remember that you are worthy of so much love, no matter how this day plays out. Love is so much bigger than romantic relationships; it’s in how you care for yourself, nurture connections with friends and loved ones, and honor your own growth.
So, this Valentine’s Day, I invite you to celebrate where you are, exactly as you are. Screw other people’s expectations! Define love on your own terms and live in alignment with that. Because at the end of the day, love starts with you–and that’s worth celebrating every day of the year.
