True or False: It Will Happen When You Least Expect It
Hello, love!
If you’re single and seeking love, you’ve definitely heard this line before:
“It’ll happen when you least expect it. Love will find you when you stop looking for it.”
Doesn’t feel very helpful, does it? That’s because it isn’t. At least not entirely. Let’s explore the truths and untruths behind the sentiment.
Why You Should Ignore It
Let me ask you a question. If you wanted a new job, would you stop looking for one? What about a new house? Or a car?
Of course not! You’d revamp your resume, hit the virtual job boards and do your research until you found what you were looking for. So why should dating be any different?
Don’t get me wrong, modern dating is a doozy. Ghosting and decision fatigue and avoidant attachment; oh my! While dating apps give us the luxury of meeting potential matches without having to get off the couch, they are also superficial, not to mention incredibly overwhelming. With all the options at our disposal, it’s tough to even make a choice about WHO to pursue. To top it all off, body language and nonverbal communication are incredibly important to establishing a romantic connection but entirely off the table in the initial stages of app dating. However, even through the drudgery, we keep on going in the hopes of finding that special someone. Because it sure is sweet to create that connection that makes you feel secure, loved, sexy.
So how can we keep looking for love without totally burning out?
First things first, get clear on what it is you’re looking for in dating. Fun, casual dates? Long-term relationship? Life partner? There’s no wrong answer here, you just need to clarify your goals.
From there, figure out your boundaries, your needs, your deal-breakers and get good at communicating them. Stop entertaining dates who don’t align with your values or treat you the way you want to be treated. You deserve better than that.
Finally, make dating fun again! Especially in the early stages of dating, the most important thing to ask yourself is whether or not you enjoy spending time with someone. It’s much easier to enjoy yourself when you’re doing something fun that makes you feel like yourself.
Why It Actually Works
It pains me to say this because the “stop looking” sentiment feels pretty condescending but there’s some serious truth to it.
When you decenter dating, it shifts the focus back onto you, your interests and your wellness. I’ve heard this from so many clients and friends. As soon as they decide to step away from dating, they fill their free time with activities, social gatherings and hobbies that bring out their most vibrant and authentic selves. And that is incredibly attractive.
So how can you bring some “stop looking” energy into your dating life?
Prioritize your current friendships. It’s so easy to let friendships fall by the wayside as soon as we find a sparkly new crush. But we spend time with our friends because they make us feel lovely and fabulous and valued. They enrich our lives with their presence and by bringing new people and experiences into our periphery. Hold tight to your pals. They might even introduce you to some new cutie!
Prioritize yourself. Have you been eyeing a new hobby? Dying to take that pottery class? Craving a solo vacation? Curious about a new self-care ritual? Go for it, babe! You deserve to have a rich, diverse, fun life, and when you’re having fun, you attract more of that joyful energy into your life. Not to mention, a new hobby, travel destination or daily routine means new communities. And maybe some new love interests, too.
Find the Balance
If you take anything away from my ramblings here, let it be this: find the balance. If romance, partnership, dating is a priority for you, make space for it. Just not at the expense of your already incredible life. There’s room enough for friends, love, hobbies and you, my dear.
Xoxo,
Stephanie
